When we transform they do too…eventually
A few years back I met someone who shared with me that she didn’t feel very safe in my space.
She knew my personal philosophy is that all emotions lead home to Self and I suppose at that stage she found it quite confronting. Of course it may seem “easier” to point the finger at others, but every time we do, we have 3 fingers pointing back at Self.
Our experiences are a creation of the stories we tell about what happened – how we interpret the events that occur rather than the events themselves. This I know to be true with every cell in my being so when she confessed that she didn’t feel comfortable with me, I said with my usual equanimity “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
I cared, but it didn’t really matter. That’s her experience that she created, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. You see, I had already learned that when you show up and just be you, some people might tell you you’re awesome and others may call you awful and ultimately, it’s more about them than it is about you.
What we see in others in a reflection of who we are, rather than who they are. So what she thought of me was none of my business, and I’ve learned not to invest my energy in those areas. And so I just carried on loving and appreciating her all the same, and inviting her along to events.
This week that same woman asked me for coaching. She said that she could see me embodying some of the things she knows intellectually that she wants to integrate more fully into her lived experience. I felt honoured and humbled by that, so much so that it moved me to tears.
It reminded me: just because some people may not “get” you now, doesn’t me they won’t ever. We’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve got in that moment… And she’s not the only person to show up and share a story along the lines of: “I didn’t appreciate this then, but I really get the value of it now…” So as someone who had once upon a time felt very alien on this planet, I smiled.
Yes, of course we can hold steady in ourselves and remain fully content when we’re not liked. Still, we humans are social beings and there is a part of our being that absolutely yearns to be seen and appreciated. It needs it like a plant needs water – cannot thrive without it.
Yet again The Universe reminds me: internal creates external. The more fully we appreciate the fullness of ourselves, the more we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. These days, I find my “tribe” more easily than ever before.