I got an email from a friend recently that started with “From your posts you look like you’re doing well ~ although like the rest of us I’m sure there have been good and bad days.”
I have to admit something and I feel a bit nervous to confess this…
It’s possible I could be judged for it – misunderstood or ostracised.
But it’s the truth of my reality so I’m going to say it.
As embarrassing as it feels to be sharing it, it’s very important to me that I be honest. These days being truthful feels more aligned than watering down my experience in order to maintain “fit in.”
Actually, no. I genuinely don’t have bad days. I haven’t had a bad day in at least 5 years.
Here’s why that is:
I don’t classify my days as good or bad. They simply are. If I label it bad, I invite that into my experience and why on Earth would I do that to myself? Even if I’m having a bit of “moment” as I like to call them, it’s just a sensation and there’s nothing bad about that. It’s just part of being human.
I welcome what arrives. My days are filled with moments which contain a variety of sensations. These sensations we typically label as emotions like angry or sad. Whilst it is useful to label our emotions, so that we can fully acknowledge them and allow them to be released from the system, it’s not useful to prefer certain emotions over others. All emotions are messengers from our Deeper Self and as such, I welcome them as guests in my home.
I let it pass through me. Because I don’t tend to resist what arises moment by moment, it doesn’t linger very long. I feel moments of anguish, heartache, gratitude, ecstasy and everything in between. They too come and go fairly quickly and then I return to my centered state which is kind of like quiet contentment with a pinch of delight and hint of awe. If I’m experiencing any other emotion for a few hours, that’s quite a while in my reality.
I’m ok when I don’t feel ok, because I know that deep down at the core of me, I’m always ok. In other words, I’m very comfortable being uncomfortable. I distinguish between what’s going on on the surface and what’s there in the depths. I know I can always dive deeper into the depths of who I am to find tranquillity when there is tension on the surface.
I cry frequently. Maybe daily even, at least in this season. Tears of joy, sadness, and most often, releasing. My body letting go of all that doesn’t belong. I witness it. I appreciate it. I admire the body’s intelligence. And it’s usually moved through me in less than 10 mins.
When we have truly tasted the bliss that is born from a quiet mind and a contented heart, it’s very difficult to have a bad day.
Of course we fall asleep and we forget. This is human and part of the game. But for a WHOLE DAY?! That is a long time to suffer myself. And I love myself way too much for that.
Yet a part of me is amused as I’m writing this now because I’m remembering that once upon a time I didn’t just have bad days, I had bad decades!
I was suicidal for nearly two decades. And what I know from that experience is that we don’t intentionally create bad days for ourselves.
No one actually wants to ride the struggle bus. It’s just that we’re not quite sure how to get off, particularly if that’s all we’ve ever known.
I suppose that’s why I get excited when I meet people experiencing severe depression. They’ve got the intensity down, like I did, but they just need some reorienting.
I was conditioned with a belief that suffering is saintly. And I know I’m not the only one who grew up with a dogmatic martyr of a mother (I love her to bits by the way and wouldn’t change a thing about her) and has internalised this belief unconsciously. Because what’s modelled matters most.
I know what’s truly possible when our brains are skilfully trained… The bliss that blossoms, the magic in the mundane, all the riches revealed, when we’ve cultivated the capacity to perceive it.
It’s big reason I do the work I do. It’s my WHY. Because life before brain training and life after brain training it’s like going from black and white to full colour – it’s a richer experience.
I sincerely want every person to get that contentment is available to us always inside, regardless of what’s going on outside.
It’s a radically different way to live than how we’ve been brought up to believe (hence the need for retraining to internally reference) but if we are diligent with our devotion to practice, I can hand over heart say bad days disappear.
We all need to understand how to construct our reality wisely, and that’s why I created the Befriend Your Brain. Here’s what someone who recently completed the 5 day challenge said about it:
“I loved that you were able to distil and package a profoundly helpful approach. I love your approach to ego and respecting ego’s place in our life and being. I loved the kind and supportive tone. I found the exercise on day 1 to be very revealing. And I’ve used it all with immediate results.” ~ Jacqueline P