The precursor to my grumblebum weekend I was feeling criticised. Fortunately, I’ve trained my partner Mikey so well that he knows my behavior is never about him and always a reflection of my internal state. On that morning, when Mikey offered up some business advice, my brain interpreted that as “You’re not doing enough.”
Mikey: “It doesn’t matter what I say to you today, you’re going to find some way to twist it around. I’m just going to shut my mouth and no matter what you say I’m just going to respond with “Thatta girl. You’re brilliant. I love you. You can do anything.”
Of course that just incited me even more. I did my best to provoke him and prod him into joining my pity party. But he stuck to it. For the next hour regardless of what I said or whatever sarcastic remark I made, Mikey simply responded with “Thatta girl. You’re brilliant. I love you. You can do anything.”
And hearing him say that to me a few times brought about some emotion. It was the call to attention I needed to get me to notice what had been happening in my internal dialogue. Rather than speaking kindly and lovingly and praising myself for effort and progress, I had become critical and chastising. And it was such stark contrast from the self talk that’s typically present (which, interestingly enough, is very similar to “Thatta girl. You’re brilliant. I love you. You can do anything.”) that it shook me back home to me.
When I apologised for him having to bear the brunt of me feeling disgruntled, he reminded me that I’m adorable even when I’m annoyed and projecting. What a difference it makes when you look though the eyes of love, eh?
I’ve been observing how often I hear the term “beautiful soul” and I’ve been reflecting on that this morning. I reckon we all have a beautiful soul. Seriously, have you ever met anyone that didn’t? It’s our human psyches that can mask it (through judgement), so we can’t always perceive it.